Sexyleggs

There is a Registered Nurse in Toronto named Ursula Pitt who is a loathsome heap of hippopotamus dung.

Ms. Pitt is a 280lb Nurse who is extremely unhygienic in her appearance (chronically smells like old urine, and most times has food stains on the front of her top, and has a partially shaven beard). She is cantankerous toward pt. relatives (does not like to be questioned), has a thinly disguised, but unproven drinking problem (Vodka), and is neglectfully abusive toward those in her charge (spends all night on a computer playing games and the last 1 hr of her shift giving pt. care). This lazy slob only works nights because she is a frightful sight during the day.

There are many Nurses who have worked with Ms. Pitt over the years and can confirm these facts. She is one of the most ill-reputed and whispered about Nurses in Toronto. Everyone knows her, and has something terrible to say about her. She is a discredit, and an embarrassment to the profession of Nursing.

This woman works with several Nursing agencies in Toronto as well. During the SARS epidemic she routinely worked at Toronto East General's quarantined SARS unit with the agency and got paid $100.00/hr! She kept quiet about it during that time, and still went working at various other Toronto hospitals, risking the potential of exposing pt's and co-workers to the SARS virus so that her fat, greedy, ass could get more pork chops to stuff her face.

Unfortunately, Ms. Whale Blubber (as she is affectionately known) lived through SARS and is still employed in Nursing. She is a walking mass of flesh and malodor, with tensor bandages wrapped around her tree-trunk legs, and various ill-kept weaves and hair pieces attached haphazardly to her head. To say that she resembles Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street would be a compliment.

She routinely calls in sick at either of the places that she is "officially" employed at so that she can work elsewhere with the agency. She uses her husband, Tony's sickness as an excuse for the sick calls. Meanwhile Tony has probably left her for a woman who can actually wash her ass crack. She is slick and cunning, and has never been caught in the lie of duping the hospital for sick benefits, but she will not hesitate to report her colleagues in the same lie.

One day in the next six months, God willing she will suffer a stroke, or heart attack, or perhaps both, and she will end up lingering between life and death for weeks. She will have bacterial and viral infections creeping systematically through her blood, because she is so morbidly obese that she will be left by her Nursing colleagues to develop bedsores. After all why should they break their backs trying to turn such a waste of human flesh?

Ultimately, the young Nurse that she sees as her enemy will be at her bedside exacting the last laugh upon her evil soul.

Ms. Pitt currently works at Toronto Western Hospital, and St. Joseph's Hospital in the Intensive Care Units.

When it comes to getting over-the-counter pain relief, the choice can be daunting.

Painkillers can be quite serious. For example, people with asthma have been known to have a reaction to ibuprofin, and acetaminophen could affect those who have a history of liver disease.

Here are some facts you should know about over-the-counter pain medications. Keep in mind that many of the following symptoms can be rare:

Acetaminophen is the active ingredient in Tylenol. It eases pain and fever, but won’t reduce inflammation, and generally provides relief for four to six hours. Side effects are rare when taken for short periods, but when taken long-term at high doses, acetaminophen can cause liver damage. It may worsen severe kidney and liver diseases, and should not be taken with alcohol or other medicines that contain acetaminophen. It comes in children’s formulas, and is safe in pregnancy and for breast-feeding women when taken short-term.
ASA (Aspirin, Bufferin) treats pain and fever, as well as inflammation. It generally lasts four to six hours. Possible side effects are stomach pain, heartburn, constipation, and dizziness; more serious complications may include stomach bleeding, impairment of kidney function, liver dysfunction or allergic reaction. ASA is thought to worsen asthma, diabetes, bleeding disorder, gout, kidney disease, liver disease and stomach ulcers. It should not be taken with alcohol, blood thinners, corticosteroids, high blood pressure or diabetes medications, methotrexate or probenecid. ASA can also cause Reye’s syndrome in children with chickenpox, the flu and other viral illnesses. It is not safe for pregnant and breast-feeding women.
Ibuprofin (Advil) Like ASA, ibuprofen eases pain, fever and inflammation for four to six hours. It has the same common side-effects as ASA—stomach pain, heartburn, constipation or dizziness—and many of the more serious ones, including stomach bleeding, impairment of kidney function, liver dysfunction or allergic reaction. Prolonged use of ibuprofen above the recommended dosage may also increase the risk of cardiovascular problems and serious skin reactions. It may worsen liver, heart or kidney disease, high blood pressure, bleeding disorder or stomach problems. Ibuprofen should not be taken with alcohol, blood thinners, diuretics, medications for arthritis or diabetes, ASA, or other over-the-counter pain relievers. It is safe for children, but not for pregnant women, and should only be used by breast-feeding women for short-term relief.

100 Things You Need to Know About Women

Here is the complete list. Please use it responsibly.

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend´s single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelry. Now you always knkow what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”-Claire, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts-and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute - scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”-Erin, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”-Suzy, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn´t get laid, you´re one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do-lower abdomen, nipples-we just get rid of them.”-Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

66. They can´t live without tension. Every once in a while she´s gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”-Lauren, 35

58. If they´re going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet-which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man-including anal.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you´re sorry, even if you don´t mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while-poker, chess, Ping-Pong-and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”-Caroline, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”-Rachel, 21

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don´t complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don´t take a woman to a concert you really want to see-she´ll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”-Elena, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they´re more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You´ll probably never know how many guys she´s slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

From Maxim Online

Although women often discredit men by saying they only have one thing on their mind, it is important to look at evolutionary psychology for one possible explanation of what men look for in women. Men are not as reliant on their mate as women are on men, so they may not be as strongly oriented as women to spending their entire lives with only one mate. According to evolutionary theory, the woman's desire to have one mate to help raise her children pressures males to be monogamous. If men do not want monogamy, they may end up with a lower quality of woman since the high quality women chose their mate based on his commitment to monogamy. But, mutual selection occurs in marriages, so the man can choose his mate, just as the woman chooses him. And often his criteria is based on very different qualities than the woman's. Evolutionary psychology offers one view about male psychology. Not all psychologists agree that this theory offers a complete explanation of "what men want," but some find the logic attractive.

• Youth
• Standards of Physical Beauty
• Body shape
• Good Personality

Youth
According to evolutionary psychology, ancestral men evolved ways to sense how well woman might reproduce offspring (Buss, 1994: 50). One of the most obvious clues is youth. The older a woman gets, the less fertile she becomes. According to evolutionary psychologists, a man sees fertility as an important attribute because it assures him that his blood line will continue. In many cultures, men prefer wives who are younger, although the age difference varies across societies.
In the United States, college students surveyed between 1939-1988, indicated the preferred age difference is approximately 2.5 years. Men who were 21 years old prefered, on average, women who were 18.5 years (Buss, 1994: 51) As men get older, they tend to be attracted to women who are increasingly younger than they are. Men in their thirties prefer women 5 years younger, while men in their 70's prefer women who are 10 to 20 years younger.

Standards of Physical Beauty
Although beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, there have been certain standards of female attractiveness that have become widely accepted. These standards are an indicator of the health and, according to evolutionary theory, therefore give men clues about the reproductive capability of the woman in question. Without these standards of beauty, a man would have a difficult time discerning a healthy woman who would produce healthy children from a woman of lesser health.
Features of physical appearance such as full lips, clear skin, smooth skin, clear eyes, lustrous hair and good muscle tone were all indications to our evolutionary ancestors of a healthy woman. Attitudes such as bouncy, youthful gait, animated facial expression and high energy level were also behavioral features that a man could use to see a woman's youth and health.
According to evolutionary psychologists, symmetry is yet another measure of attractiveness that men use when evaluating any potential mate. Although this appears to be a minute detail, it could have its links to our evolutionary past. Asymmetries are clues about possible developmental problems (Buss, 1994: 55). Asymmetries can result from physical assaults as well as parasites that infect the human body. The parasites and diseases can cause asymmetrical development making this physical cue a possible indicator of a person's health.

Body Shape
Body shape preference is perhaps the most culturally variable standard of beauty. The attractiveness of the shape of a woman's body is directly linked to what her body type represents in her culture. For instance, in a culture where food is scarce, such as among the Bushmen in Australia, a high status woman would be better fed and therefore larger. In a culture such as the United States and many Western European societies where food is abundant, the relationship between plumpness and status is reversed, and the rich distinguish themselves through thinness (Buss, 1994: 56). Men do not have an evolved preference for body type, however, evolutionary psychologists claim men do have a preference for features linked with status.
Although women in the United States often think men prefer a thinner woman, a study done by psychologist Paul Rozin proves differently. The women were asked to identify the ideal body type for themselves and the body type they thought men preferred. In both cases, women chose body types slimmer than average. When men were then asked to indicate the body type they are most attracted to, they typically chose the average female build. The women in this study believed that men preferred thinner women, which proved not to be true.

The importance of physical appearance has been steadily rising since the 1930's. As television, movies, fashion magazines and other medias depict the most beautiful people in western society, men and women alike have began to place far more importance on appearance. For men, this can be to show his social status to other men. A well-to-do, eligible bachelor is much more likely than a poor man to attract a very physically attractive woman. "Trophy" wives are not just the perquisites of high status, but in fact increase the status of the man who can win them (Buss, 1994: 59). Men, cross-culturally value a woman's attractiveness not only for her reproductive potential, but also as a sign that he can obtain a high-status, attractive woman.

Good Personality
Aside from beauty men want a partner who will fulfill them emotionally as well as physically. A good personality is a must for every man in a serious relationship. Aside from physical beauty, men also look for intelligence, optimistic attitudes, self-confidence, and partners who enjoy the same hobbies and/or interests they do.
Optimism is a trait that many guys look for in a girl. No one wants to be with someone who is always pessimistic or is constantly complaining about small issues. Men need someone who can they can enjoy everyday conversation with, and share intimate feelings with, through positive outlooks on life.
Similar levels of intelligence are also important. Well matched couples generally have similar intelligence levels, that way they can be on the same "page" as each other. A graduate student may not have much in common with someone who has only finished junior high school. People tend to seek out companies with whom they can enjoy conversations at the same level of thought.
Common interests are also a big player in the dating game. If one partner lives for music, and the other one cant stand any noise, then chances are they won't get along as well as a couple who both enjoy (or dislike) a certain type of music. Someone who is physically fit and active may not get along so easily with someone who enjoys being couch potato.
These are all ideal situations which, of course, can have exceptions. Sometimes people find that they are truly happy with someone who is completely different from them, but generally the relationships that last are those in which the partners have much in common. In the end, having a best friend --or a soul mate-- is what really counts, and men need this just as much as women do.